Fans, liggers, the avant garde, please lend me your ears, I've got a theory about rock'n'roll that confirms your very worst fears. I come not to bury rock, but I'm not going to praise it - My position, you see, is a delicate one - that's how I'd phrase it.
My friends say I'm intelligent, my teachers embarrassed me When they told the rest of the, "Be like Mark Anthony". But I've got this theory, and I'm too ashamed to say it: I've studied the people who like rock, and all the bands who play it,
And there ain't no doubt in my mind, I know this sounds like folly, That rock was created by one man, and it wasn't Buddy Holly; And it wasn't Elvis or Berry or Little Richard - oh, the bell does toll: It's time to tell that Hitler didn't die, he invented rock'n'roll.
Well, fuck you, smartarse, up your arse, can you think of something better? You're the sort of brainless turd who follows rock to the letter; You think it stupid that Hitler could, but you can't see the wood for the trees - Well, let me tell you some other things that a rock fan believes:
Do you believe in Mick Jagger and his charismatic lips? Do you believe in what hangs between Jim Morrison's hips? Do you believe that John Lennon was a man truly great? Do you believe that Morrissey chooses to stay celibate?
Have you seen the way a person acts if they're in a band? If you want the greatest proof of all, have you seen the fans? You, who seem totally prepared to fall for this sort of hype Dare to protest when I say it's all from the Third Reich?
Yes, my friend, when Elvis died gurgling on his bathroom floor, And his fat white bloated body couldn't take it any more, His last thought before his eyes in their sockets did roll Was that Hitler didn't die, he invented rock'n'roll.