Greetings, useless peons, you've done terrible so far. Treading venom pools for eons, suffering with no scar! Mercy everlasting, hiding who you are... Welcome to the Dark Side, my name is Jack Noir!
I'm the overlord of badass! The shadow-magic priest! Chosen ones cry out for mother, of trouble, you're the least! I really hate these stupid hats and that stupid king! That overarching monarch can shove someting... Up his... Thing! "Graveyard stuffers."
Ooh yeah, they call me Jack Noir! You might think that I'm the star, When really there's a dad who makes me glad I haven't had the pleasure, yes the pleasure, Of this saturnine existence between these fenestrated walls..!
Goodbye useless peons, you were horrible in life... Jumped off the galleon without so much as a Strife... Arch-agent everlasting, I'll tear the sky ajar! Good night everybody, my name is Jack, oh-! My name is Spades?! No! My name is Jack Noiiiiiir! My name.... (My name!) Is Jack Noir!