I always thought I could escape this, Like silence was all that I’d need, I found a bliss in my ignorance, Until ignorance found hell in me. Somehow I’d always feel tired, Although I’d lose days to sleep, You said that you thought I was dying, I guess I just couldn't see.
Life went on in that way for so long, Unable to determine whether I was sleeping or awake Because neither felt real. I never seemed to dream all that much, And when I did they were so mundane that I didn't care for them anyway I was decaying, wasting away, So lugubrious that I left the atoms in my bones to corrode. Unable to summon the strength, mental nor physical, To help myself out of the bed that I had made; But at the same time so afraid Of burdening someone that I left myself to fall apart.
Day turned to night, night to day, And each time the sunlight streamed through my window I felt more transparent than I did the morning before. Kept company only by the sound of my thoughts echoing in the hole That I had paced in the floor boards.
I let go.
I lay my body at the bottom of a hole that I had dug, So deep within in my mind, That I could no longer see the light of the sun. I could no longer hear the voices of people That I had always claimed that I had loved, Despite the reassurances I was convinced I was never enough.
It took years to convince myself That no man has his future set in stone, You may lose your way but you’re never too far gone. You are the light you are seeking the warmth of, You are the love it would take to make your house a home, And no one should have to feel as though they’re alone.