Tracie Bennett - Bridget Jones Diary_1 | Текст песни

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• Bridget Jones Diary_1

New Year's Resolutions
I will not
Drink more than 14 alcohol units a week
Smoke
Waste money on:pasta-makers,ice-cream machines or other culinary devices which will never use;books by unreadable literary authors to put impressively on shelves;exotic underwear,since pointless as have no boyfriend
Behave sluttishly around the house,but instead imagine others are watching
Spend more than earn
Allow in-tray to rage out of control
Fall for any of following:alcoholics,workaholics,commitment phobics,people with girlfriends or wives,misogynists,megalomaniacs,chauvinists,emotional fuckwits or freeloaders,perverts
Get annoyed with Mum,Una Alconbury or Perpetua.
Get upset over men,but instead be poised and cool ice-queen
Have crushes on men,but instead form relationships based on mature assessment of character.
Bitch about anyone behind their backs,but be positive about everyone
Obsess about Daniel Cleaver as pathetic to have a crush on boss in manner of Miss Moneypenny or similar
Sulk about having no boyfriend,but develop inner poise and authority and sense of self as woman of substance,complete without boyfriend,as best way to obtain boyfriend

I will
Stop smoking
Drink no more than fourteen alcohol units a week.
Reduce circumference of thighs by 3 inches(i.e.1½ inches each),using anti-cellulite diet
Purge flat of all extraneous matter
Give all clothes which have not worn for two years or more to homeless
Improve career and find new job with potential
Save up money in form of savings.Poss start pension-also
Be more confident
Be more assertive
Not go out every night but stay in and read books and listen to classical music
Give proportion of earnings to charity
Be kinder and help others more
Eat more pulses
Get up straight away when wake up in mornings
Go to gym three times a week not merely to buy sandwich
Put photographs in photograph albums
Learn to programme video

JANUARY
Sunday 1 January
9st 3 (but post-Christmas),alcohol units 14 (but effectively covers 2 days as 4 hours of party was on New Year's Day),cigarettes 22,calories 5424

Noon.London:my flat.Ugh.The last thing on earth I feel physically,emotionally or mentally equipped to do is drive to Una and Geoffrey Alconbury's New Year's Day Turkey Curry Buffet in Grafton Underwood.Geoffrey and Una Alconbury are my parents' best friends and,as Uncle Geoffrey never tires of reminding me,have known me since I was running round the lawn with no clothes on.My mother rang up at 8.30 in the morning last August Bank Holiday and forced me to promise to go.She approached it via a cunningly circuitous route
'Oh,hello,darling.I was just ringing to see what you wanted for Christmas
'Christmas?
'Would you like a surprise,darling?
'No!'I bellowed.'Sorry.I mean... 
'I wondered if you'd like a set of wheels for your suitcase.Why don't I get you a little suitcase with wheels attached.You know,like air hostesses have.Do you want it in navy on red or red on navy?
'Mum.It's eight thirty in the morning.It's summer.It's very hot.I don't want an air-hostess bag
'Why don't Jamie,Daddy and I all club together and get you a proper big suitcase and a set of wheels?
'Is there anything you'd like for Christmas?'I said desperately,blinking in the dazzling Bank Holiday sunlight
'No,no,'she said airily.'I've got everything I need.Now,darling,'she suddenly hissed,'you will be coming to Geoffrey and Una's New Year's Day Turkey Curry Buffet this year,won't you?
'Ah.Actually,I...I panicked wildly.What could I pretend to be doing?'...think I might have to work on New Year's Day
'That doesn't matter.You can drive up after work.Oh, did I mention?Malcolm and Elaine Darcy are coming and bringing Mark with them.Do you remember Mark,darling?He's one of those top-notch barristers.Masses of money.Divor

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