and now she'd rather forget the horsepower of express trains the featherweight bones at canning bridge and the knives in the drawers of paradox apartments shivering in the heat of an un-carved heart she's always standing in the hot ghost of someone's car cold-blooded sex starved her skin tight she's got no fight in her lungs open mouth washed out she's figured that her revolution was just an apocalypse and she's practising her final pages
unsure how to use the emotions i'm still still with your clothes on my floor she will sit still she spills her tea again hands shaking heart racing until she is still i'll fill glasses fill stories fill memories fill in still saying we aren't playing anymore she's sleeping in out and around spilling pills filling empty thrills killing any chance of sanity i wonder if she will sit still
she forgot to save dragged her feet around campus looking for a friend finding nothing she goes to catch the bus but charity workers block the way she doesn't have the words to say she always had a choice she runs finds a spot on the grass working men in the distant no money no mates she cries oceans of salt and snot into hands and she doesn't know why red lights drop to green climb yellow back to red
red eyes closed tight she crosses roads deliberately aimless whistles from men in cars breeze past the breeze glances her face eyes turned downwards to shoes and cracks looking for wasted second she feels her heart beat crack rain crashes against concrete eyes rise to knees then hips then lips to eyes immediately darting away fleeting tension unsure of expectations heart caught in her throat both girls stop and stare these feelings aren't familiar exclusionary hypertension on thoughts of family feelings and friends who needs to know why not tell them you can it's hard getting easier
she's scared drawing scribbles for breath scared of these theme-less dreams these sex delusions and the same old seconds unraveled her system's insignificant she can taste the blood on the road but she won't know where it goes