Soldier 3: On the battlefield and off you are superior
Achmed: I know. In the kingdom though I'm finding that my only claim to fame is an incident involving my posterior
Soldiers: Posterior
Achmed: Please. I've won scores of bloody wars and mopped the floors with my foes, but no one remembers Achmed. I've eviscerated peasants from their heads down to their toes, but no one remembers Achmed. Say my name in these parts And you'll get a vacant stare, until you mention tigers, or spotted underwear!
Soldiers: Spotted underwear!
Achmed: So to restore my rebut as a fierce fearsome brute, there's only one route I see. Arrange the slaughter of millions, of innocent civilians, then they'll remember me! (Speaking) The kingdom has oppressed us for years. Stripped us of our most basic rights, our dignity, our pants! But I've been ignored for too long. We're going to war!
Soldier 1: Caked in mud or drenched in blood
Soldier 1 & 2: You smell as fresh as a flower
Achmed: I know
Soldiers: But no one remembers Achmed
Soldier 3: You can pleasure 60 concubines in on-ly an hour!
Achmed: Less!
Soldiers: But no one remembers Achmed
Achmed: Back home I was a hero, ladies trembled when I spoke. But here the women treat me like a throwaway joke
Soldiers: Throw him away
Achmed: I'm a god on earth but darnit even deities incarnate now and then can feel a little insecure
Soldiers: Insecure
Achmed: All I want is some affection. These rejections are almost too much to endure
Soldiers: To endure, look at all he must endure
Achmed: (Speaking) Am I not a thing of beauty? Don't you want a piece of this? Wouldn't you gladly give up all of your worldly possessions just to greet me when I come home from a one-sided massacre and bathe my sweaty, bloody body with your tongue?
Soldiers: You ooze sex when you flex those impeccable pecs
Achemd: But the princess rejects me still She may not love me yet, but I'm willing to bet that once I kill all her people she will!
Soldiers: Yes she will, yes she absolutely will!
Achmed: Then laugh, that's just fine, but the last laugh will be mine
Achmed + Soldiers: Cause they can't laugh when they're all dead. I'll make them all regret the day they chose to forget
Achmed: (Speaking) What's that name everyone?
Soldiers: Tiger-fucker!
Achmed: No! Like I said, What's that name?
Soldiers: You're the cock of the walk, with abs as hard as a rock. Nevermore will they mock you Achmed!