Well, they call me Bones and I'm third in command Second in line is a man I just can't stand He's a green blooded, pointy-eared, seven year itch And when he pon farrs He'll try to make me his bitch
Well, I may or may not have divorced my wife But I damn sure pulled the plug on my daddy's life And two months later, well, they found a cure I'm just an old country doctor on a damned five year tour
The damned teleporter Yeah, it gives me the creeps The first time I used it I couldn't get it up for weeks Now my tricorder's busted And sick bay just stinks I guess I'll just go replicate me a drink
Chorus
Well, Jim is the captain of this here ship We call her the Enterprise, and the crew's pretty hip Yeah, the girls all wear go-go boots and miniskirts And I spend my days patching all the red shirts
Well, I have been asked to do many a thing Outside the area of my expertise Damn it Jim, I know I've told you before Damn it Jim, I know I've told you before Damn it Jim, damn it Jim, I told you before
I'm just an old country doctor on a damned five year tour Just an old country doctor on a damned five year tour