xkcd - Every Major's Terrible | Текст песни

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• Every Major's Terrible

Philosophy's just math sans rigor, sense, and practicality
And Math's just physics unconstrained by precepts of reality.
A Business Major's just a thing you get so you can graduate
And Chemistry's for stamp collectors high on methylacetate.
Why anyone who wants a job would study Lit's a mystery
Unless their only other choice were something like Art History.
A BA in communications guarantees that you'll achieve
A little less than if you'd learned to underwater basket-weave
And Social Psych is worse than either Psych or Sociology.
The thought of picking any one of these is too unbearable.
Just put me down as "Undecided" - every major's terrible.

Now, if you can't prognosticate, that's OK in Seismology,
But if your hindsight's weak as well, you'd best stick to Theology.
CS will make each day a quest to find a missing close-paren.
Virology will guarantee you'll never get a hug again.
I.T. prepares you for a life of fighting with PCs nonstop.
As Pratchett said, "Geography's just physics slowed with trees on top."
Though physics seems to promise you a Richard Feynman-like career,
The wiki page for "Physics Major" redirects to "Engineer."
They say to study history or find yourself repeating it,
But all that it prepares you for is forty years of teaching it.
I recognize my four-year plan's at this point not repairable,
But put me down as "Undecided" - every major's terrible.

Astronomers all cringe when they hear "Supermoon" or "Zodiac".
Agronomy's a no-go; I'm a huge agorophobiac.
I'm too ophiophobic to consider Herpetology,
And I can't stomach any part of Gastroenterology.
While Pre-Med gives you twitchy-eyed obsession with your GPA,
a poetry degree bespeaks bewildering naïveté.
TV's behind the rush into Forensic Criminology
(Or so claims Meta-academic Epidemiology).
By dubbing Econ "dismal science" adherents exaggerate;
The "dismal"'s fine - it's "science" where they patently prevaricate.
In terms of choices, I'd say only Sophie's was comparable.
Just put me down as "Undecided" - every major's terrible!

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