Set fire to your hair. Poke a stick at a grizzly bear. Eat medicine, that's out of date, Use your private parts as piranha bait.
Dumb ways to die! So many dumb ways to die! Dumb ways to die-ie-ie! So many dumb ways to die!
Get your toast out with a fork. Use your own electrical work. Teach yourself how to fly. Eat a 2-week-old, unrefrigerated pie.
Dumb ways to die! So many dumb ways to die! Dumb ways to die-ie-ie! So many dumb ways to die!
Invite a psycho killer inside. Scratch a drug dealer's brand new ride. Take your helmet off, in outer space. Use your clothes dryer as a hiding place.
Dumb ways to die! So many dumb ways to die! Dumb ways to die-ie-ie! So many dumb ways to die!
Keep a rattlesnake as a pet. Sell both your kidneys on the internet. Eat a tube, of superglue. "I wonder. What's this red button do?" *BOOM!*
Dumb ways to die! So many dumb ways to die! Dumb ways to die-ie-ie! (Small pause) So many dumb ways to die!
Dress up like a moose during hunting season, Disturb a nest of wasps for no good reason. Stand on the edge of a train station platform. Drive around the boom-gates at a level crossing. Run across the tracks between platforms.
It may not rhyme but it's quite possibly: The dumbest ways to die! The dumbest ways to die! The dumbest ways to die-ie-ie-ie! (Longer pause) So many dumb - So many dumb ways to die!