Игра Престолов - 'Game of Thrones' Ultimate Birthday Rap Battle | Текст песни

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• 'Game of Thrones' Ultimate Birthday Rap Battle

Welcome to Kind’s Landing, a city of kings and whores where everything can happen.
Yes, quite right.
Do be careful, ‘cause shit’s about to get real’
Do be careful, ‘cause shit’s about to get real’

Hoooo
Well, I’m the fuckin’ King
Robert Baratheon, wrathful and nasty
When I drop the fuckin’ hammer, invade like a pathogen
Now gimme three whores, so I can smack that ass again
And build a bigger orphanage to put all my bastards in.

Me wife’s a brother-fucker and a straight-up bitch
Who gave me three blonde shits, but her daddy is rich
Wine!
All this arse-lickin’’s makin’ me sick I thank the gods that a boar put a tusk through my pancreas.

CERSEI: I gestated my bro’s DNA...
TYRION: Not mine.
CERSEI: ...throught my inbred kids were okay
But I’m afraid that...
NED: Joffrey is a half-wit, demented, sadistic piece of shit.

JOFFREY: You better say that I’m the king or I’ll chop of your head I’ll put your genitals in the genital jar I keep in a drawer beside my bed.
SANSA: Your grace.
JOFFREY: Yes, give her a gift, hit her in the face.
Women are so weak and weary bring her back when she has her period.
Burn the traitors, crush the North, kill the babies, fuck the poor,
I’m so bored with cutting out tongues, but I’m gettin’ it down, mutilating whores.
MARGAERY: Is this yours?
JOFFREY: Yes, it is.
MARGAERY: Talk about killing, I love that shit.
Stabbing, hacking, blood and guts.
JOFFREY: Hold on, I’m about to jizz.

VARYS: Sadly, I cannot.
PYCELLE: No jizz, quite right.
BAELISH: A sorcerer cut off your junk, we know. At least it wasn’t your head.
VARYS: Poor Ned Stark. What will the North do?
PYCELLE: My jizz is like baking soda.
VARYS: The Stark bannermen?
BAELISH: Why are they so fucking happy?

ROBB: Yeah, yeah! We fight for independence, it’s a glorious day
‘cause I married for love, and it’s cool with the Freys
Yeah, we’re heading to a wedding, gonna party today
And I’m gonna be a dad? God, everything’s great!

CATELYN: Winter is coming.
ROBB: So we’ll hang out inside!
CATELYN: But Winterfell burned down, Robb
ROBB: Look on the bright side. Lemme hear my Starks: are we doin’ alright?

BRAN: Father’s dead, we’re homeless, and I’m crippled for life.
RICKON: I’m hungry.
ARYA: I’m alone in the middle of a war.
SANSA: I love the gay boy, but I married the dwarf.

ROBB: See that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout, we’re havin’ a ball.
LYSA: I’m gonna breastfeed Robin ‘til my breasts fall off.
ROBB: Brienne, how’s it going with the Kingslayer?
BRIENNE: Rapists have me and I’m fighting a bear!
ROBB: Cool! How’s it hangin’, Theon?
THEON: Realy bad!
ARYA: I met a lady who had demons in her wag!

EVERYBODY: We are the North Side, ey! Doin’ it our own way!
ROBB: Hey, it’s my boy - Jon Snow! What up, Jon?

SAMWELL: Um, hello. We’ve got a bit of a problem at the Wall.
It’s... It’s a bit nippy... and...
JON SNOW: This fuckin’ Whitewalkers!
Shit’s crazy, I’m freezin’ to death with Thieves and rapers,
Had to swear off sex if I could take it back, I’d take the black
Shove it up Craster’s ass, but it’s too late for that,
With zombies surgin’ south.

SAMWELL: I’m out.
JON SNOW: I’m gonna die a virgin now,
But wo-day, they was a wild woman took me into a cave, got undressed
SAMWELL: You saw breasts?
JON SNOW: Yeah, and we had... Cave sex!
SAMWELL: Cave sex?
JON SNOW: Yeah, cave sex!
SAMWELL: You knew where to put it!
JON SNOW: Oh, cave sex!
SAMWELL: I forgot to send the ravens.
JON SNOW: I’m havin’ cave sex!
SAMWELL: Cave sex!

VARYS: Seven hells
ROBB: Who is that?
ROBERT: It’s the Targaryen girl
JOFFREY: Sound the alarms!
ROBERT: She’s come to take back the Seven Kingdoms.
ROBB: Well, it’s more like six Kingdoms now.
JOFFREY: Hide me with the children!
ROBB: You know since

[ROBB] Who is that?
[ROBERT BARATHEON] It's the Targaryen girl
[JOFFREY] Sound the alarms!
[ROBERT] She's come to take back the Seven Kingdoms
[ROBB] Well, it's more like six kingdoms now
[JOFFREY] Hide me with the children!
[ROBB] ...y'know since seceded.
[JOFFREY] I'm pooping!
[ROBB] She should take the other six. Why not?
[ROBERT BARATHEON] Shut up Joffrey, you weird little shit!

[DAENERYS] I got dragons, bitch.
I started out with nothin' but a shitty older brother in a Pentos penthouse, I got pimped out
to a Dothraki warlord with a horde full of slave-takin' thugs, fuckin' like dogs in public.
Queen of the savages, got three dragon eggs, ate a horse heart, took it down, didn't throw up.
Got knocked up, but I mistakenly traded in the fate of the baby, and put my hubby in a coma.
Smothered his ass, and built a funeral pyre, took the blood magic witch, burned the bitch alive, climbed in-side and fried eggs awhile from the ash came my naked ass and three reptiles.
Touchin' my kids? Betta ask me I'm the \"Motha of Dragons\", Pyat Pree...
Yeah, that freak. Y'betta come at me with more than a manticore f'you wanna blast me.
[JORAH] Khaleesi
[DAENERYS] You got a dirty mouth yeah, you best sit down before I go to town with some Valyrian, you 'bout to fear me when I turn and burn this mothafucka to the ground.
I'm Stormborn, comin' out the flames - kill the masters, free the slaves! From Qarth to Braavos, and Slaver's Bay every bitch crackin' whips gonna know my name:
[JORAH] Khaleesi
[DAENERYS] Send a raven to Westeros, 'cause I'm puttin' three dragons in a big-ass boat. You betta tell the usurpers that I'm comin' home to take back the realm and the Iron Throne... like a hound takes a bitch.

Happy birthday.

[MAX'S MOTHER] You know that means divorce, right?
[MAX'S FATHER] Yeah!

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