[Egoraptor] My name is Link, y'all, I'm straight outta Hyrule Been on the voice of good since 1986, old school I'm bringing you a laid back summertime jam
[Danny Sexbang] Hold on a minute, Link
[Ego] Hey what's up, old man
[Dan] I see that you're embarking on another epic quest You're gonna use your ocarina to rescue the princess But you need a magic weapon that'll never ever miss It's dangerous to go alone, take this
[Ego] Oh thanks old man that is really very nice I can always count on you for help and friendly advice Though I've never seen a sword of quite that shape or size Oh God, that's not a sword, it's your dick in disguise
[Hook 1: Danny Sexbang] Yes, I can't lie, I have painted my schween Now grab your destiny, if you know what I mean Wait a minute, Link, don't leave the cave, where do you think you're going This is a great chance to fondle scrotum that you're blowing
[Verse 2]
[Ego] That was weird but whatever there is no time to lose I gotta warp right now to Zelda in this chilled out groove Wait this isn't Ganon's lair, I'm in Liberty City This place looks just like Philadelphia, but even more shitty I'm at the corner of Deadcock and Prostitute Junction Something in my ocarina must have gone and malfunctioned I gotta fix it quickly, there is justice to do
[Dan] Hold on a minute, Link
[Ego] Old man, is that you?
[Dan] This is a place you can't survive with just your sword and your wits It's dangerous to go alone, take this!
[Ego] Well that's really kind of- Gah, that's your wrinkled dick again Look, I know I wear a tunic, but I'm not into men
[Hook 2: Danny Sexbang] Don't be that way, bitch, let me introduce you To my three best friends, Mr. Johnson and the juice crew If you save the princess Zelda, well, you know you're gonna grab her So why don't you try to come grab my inflatable berjabber
[Ego] Oh my god
[Verse 3]
[Ego] I gotta warp outta here, Princess Zelda awaits I must defeat Ganondorf before it gets too late Okay, now I really don't know where I am
[Dan] Hold on a minute, Link
[Ego] Goddamn it old man
[Dan] You're in Raccoon City, it's a zombie abyss It's dangerous to go alone, take-
[Ego] No! Fuck you! Fuck you! I'm not giving you a- I'm not touching your w- Stop the chilled out groove!
[Outro]
[Ego] Geez! You come in here tellin' me you got a wee-wee weapon It's not cool, I'm not gonna touch it, I'm not gonna s- No!