Every time I time I go to dinner Seems like I'm getting a little bit thinner I'll sit down at the breakfast table I can talk, well, they're not able When I look at them I find There's a single question on their mind I wish it could go back to the way it was It's not easy now because... My whole family thinks I'm gay I guess it's always been that way Maybe it's cause of the way that I walk Makes them think I like... Boys That I like boys The goddamn question just won't go away And I get asked every single day But they way they ask it Is not in disguise Like, \"How was your day? Do you like to kiss guys?\" This is the worst, baby, This was my fear Now their opinions are crystal clear Because, My whole family now is shocked I'm in the closet and the door is locked Now my glory days are gone I was John Elway, now I'm Elton John My whole family now suspects Watching SpongeBob had side effects I'm not gay and that's what I said If I'm gay, hey god, strike me dead *coughing fit* That's weird Just cause I'm on the cheerleading team Or my birthday party had a broadway theme When I go outside, what do I see? That the clouds in the sky spell F-A-G Because, I think that god might think I'm gay What does he know anyway? My grandma gave me a present just last year And the card said \"Happy birthday, queer\" My whole family thinks I'm fab There's a guy's butt, hey Bo, take a stab Why doesn't he get women? There's no other way It's cause I'm lanky, not cause I'm gay, all right? Not cause I'm gay Just cause I'm afraid of the snow Or my favorite color is... The rainbow I don't mean to yell, but I fear I must Cause I'm losing the people that I thought I could trust Because, even my boyfriend thinks I'm gay Just kidding! You all probably think I'm gay Man, this song is counter-productive La la la la... Because, my whole family thinks I'm gay What do they know anyway? You gotta look right through the haze Easy-bake oven was just a phase My whole family thinks I'm queer That is all I ever hear But I've been as straight as a ramp If you don't count bible camp Bible camp... I'm not gay, I swear