Each bell would peal with a silvery zeal As the holiday feeling was filling us. But now instead, all we're feeling is dread Because Christmastime is killing us!
Elves: Each Christmas list gets us more and more pissed Till the thought of existence is chilling us.
Santa: I'll tell you what. Shove your list up your butt, because...
Santa and Elves: Christmastime is killing us!
Stewie: But can't you see that what you do Is a dream come true? Can't you see that every smile Makes it all worthwhile?
Santa: No, screw you! It's all but through, There's too much to do. All those dreams are nightmares And blank icy stares.
Each little elf used to fill up a shelf Making playthings and selflessly thrilling us. Now they're on crack and it feels like Iraq Because Christamstime is killing us!
Elves: Each model train only heightens the pain Of the workload that's straining and drilling us.
Santa: Fingers all bleed. And look! That guy just peed Because Christmastime is killing us!
Stewie: But can't you see our point of view? We rely on you. Can't you see that Christmas cheer Gets us through the year?
Santa: My whole crew is black and blue. Can't you take a clue? You may think I look great, But I'm twenty-eight!
Santa and Elves: Each jingle-bell is a requiem knell, And while you think it's swell, we are toiling in Hell!
Santa: Take a look, you can tell, as a man, I'm a shell!
Santa and Elves: Because Christmastime is killing us! Killing us! Christmastime is killing us!