Oh, he doesn't smell like Irish Spring, And he never taught me anything, But still I slap my chest and sing... Of My Drunken Irish Dad. Oh, his face looks like a railroad map, And he never shuts his freakin' trap...
Mickey: But all the ladies catch the clap From your Drunken Irish Dad.
Peter: Ask a Hennessey, Tennessey, Morrison, Shaughnessy, Riordan, and Rooney... They'll tell you the same McNulty, Mulrooney, and Carter and Clooney All feel the same mixture of pride and of shame.
Mickey: Finnegan, Hannigan, Kelly, and Flanagan. Look to the ground when their dad passes by Cafferty, Rafferty, Joyce and O'Lafferty, fight for his honor and then start to cry! (Dance sequence)
Both: Oh, we Irish lads are all infirm, And our moods infect us like a germ 'Cause we're all the spawn of a pickled sperm...
Mickey: And we don't tan well either. All: ...From a Drunken Irish Dad!!