(J. Burke, J. Van Heusen) [Recorded Januaru 27, 1964, Los Angeles]
Would you like to swing on a star? Carry moonbeams home in a jar? And be better off than you are? Or would you rather be a mule?
A mule is an animal with long, funny ears He kicks up at anything he hears His back is brawny and his brain is weak He's just plain stupid with a stubborn streak And, by the way, if you hate to go to school You may grow up to be a mule
Or would you like to swing on a star? Carry moonbeams home in a jar? And be better off than you are? Or would you rather be a pig?
A pig is an animal with dirt on his face His shoes are a terrible disgrace He's got no manners when he eats his food He's fat and lazy and extremely rude But if you don't care a feather or a fig You may grow up to be a pig
[instrumental-first 3 lines of chorus] Or would you rather be a fish?
A fish won't do anything but swim in a brook He can't write his name or read a book To fool all the people is his only thought Though he's slippery, he still gets caught But then if that sort of life is what you wish You may grow up to be a fish
And all the monkeys aren't in a zoo Every day you meet quite a few So you see, it's all up to you You can be better than you are