Well, out of us Kids there's just 16, Each one with a story to tell. But you're in luck cuz up your sleeves You got a brand of fight that never fails! You got some power in your corner now Some ammunition on your side! You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how See all you gotta do is take that pie And I'll say
Mister Karkat, sir What will your pleasure be? Let me take your order Jot it down You ain't never had a friend like me
Life is your restaurant And I'm your maitre d' C'mon whisper what it is you want You ain't never had a friend like me
Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service You're the boss The king, the shah Say what you wish It's yours! True dish How about a little more Baklava?
Have all of column "A" Try all of column "B" I'm in the mood to help you dude You ain't never had a friend like me
Can your friends do this? Do your friends do that? Do your friends pull this out their little hat? Can your friends go, poof? Well, looky here Can your friends go, Abracadabra, let 'er rip And then make that sucker disappear?
So doncha sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed I'm here to answer all your midday prayers You got me bona fide, certified You got a subjug for your chare d'affaires I got a powerful urge to help you out So what-cha wish? I really wanna know You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt Well, all you gotta do is take like so - and
My Friend Karkat, sir, have a wish or two or three I'm on the job, you big nabob You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend You ain't never had a friend like me You ain't never had a friend like me, hah!