George Carlin - Yeast Infection | Текст песни

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• George Carlin
• Yeast Infection

I was dancing with a woman! She told me she had a yeast infection!
I said: "Bag me a fucking loaf of bread!"
A couple of corn muffins, a jelly doughnut, I don't give a shit!
I'm always in the market for quality baked goods!
You couldn't squeeze a birthday cake out of that thing by any chance, could you, huh?
No, no, I didn't think so... No pressure, honey! No pressure at all!
Why don't you just turn around and give me a nice pineapple upside-down cake?
And a dozen oatmeal cookies! Skip the raisins!
X-nay on the aisins-ray...!
Well, I think it is certainly apparent by now...
...that one of the things I enjoy in life is excess...
I like things that are excessive! I like excessive behaviour, excessive language, excessive violence...
It's fun! It's interesting! It's exciting! I like it when nature is excessive...
That's why I like natural disasters! All these natural disasters that have been going on....
I fucking love them! I can't get enough of them!
Oh, when nature is going crazy, throwing things around, scaring people and destroying property..
...I'm a happy fucking guy! I'm a happy fucking guy!
I look at it this way! For centuries now...
...man has done everything he can to destroy, defile and interfere with nature!
Clear-cutting forests, strip-mining mountains, poisoning the atmosphere...
...over-fishing the oceans, polluting the rivers and lakes, destroying wetlands and aquiferes...
...so when nature strikes back, and smashes man in the head and kicks him in the nuts...
I enjoy that! I have absolutely no sympathy for human beings whatsoever...!
None! And no matter what kind of problem homans are facing, whether it's natural or man-made...
I always hope it gets worse! Don't you? Don't you?
Don't you have a part of you that secretly hopes everything gets worse?
When you see a big fire on TV... Don't you hope it spreads?
Don't you hope it gets completely out of control and burns down six counties?
You don't root for the firemen, do you? I mean, I don't want them to get hurt or nothing, but...
I don't want them putting out my fire! That's my fire!
That's nature! Showing off and having fun!
You know something else I like? Those spring floods in the Midwest!
Aren't they great? Like clockwork! Spring floods in the Midwest!
But I'm starting to notice, I'm starting to catch on that every year it's the same story!
Another flood, in the same place, with the same people on the same river... Same fucking people!
And these people will not move! They will not fucking move!
They repaint, put down new carpeting and wallpaper and they move right back into the same fucking house, on the floodplain, next to the river...
...and then they wonder why grandma's floating downstream with a parakeet on her head!
Fourth time, again! Fourth fucking tine!
There's no learning curve with these people! It's very hard to feel sorry for them!
Every year! Same people! Same rowboats! Out there, paddling around... Rescuing a chicken!
What the fuck kind of a life is that? "Well, our kids love it here!"
Oh, really? What have they got? Gills?
And while they're showing all that shit on the screen, the announcer is saying to me...
"It's been raining steadily for three months now, the ground can't hold any more water, the river is cresty higher than it has in two centuries, the levees are washed away..."
...and I just hope it keeps raining! And raining, and raining, and raining...!
...and raining, and raining, and raining! And it rains steadily for five years!
And then, after that, for ten years it's cloudy!
With occasional showers! And the river never

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