Scully: Hi, this is Gillian Anderson, Agent Dana Scully, on the Kevin and Bean Christmas Album.
Mulder: And David Duchovny, Agent Fox Mulder, from the X-Files. This holiday season, trust no one. Not even Santa Claus.
Scully: Mulder, Santa Claus isn't real. He's a folk legend; any 8 year-old child could tell you that.
Mulder: What about the proof, Scully?
Scully: What proof?
Mulder: The crap, Scully. It was reindeer crap. You analyzed it yourself.
Scully: So it's reindeer crap! Reindeer do that too, you know.
Mulder: On the roof, Scully. How do you explain that?
Scully: There could be a thousand explanations. Maybe some kids put it up there as a prank. Maybe the reindeer ate Mexican.
Mulder: All right, then how do you explain what we found on that half-eaten plate of cookies?
Scully: All we found were a few white beard hairs. Kenny Rodgers could have been up here. We don't know. They could have come from anyone.
Mulder: No. Not just anyone. There's someone out there. Yes, Dana, there is a Santa Claus.
Scully: Oh, Fox. Forget about that stuff. It's Christmas! Hey, I'm gonna buy your gift tonight. What do you want?
Mulder: The truth, Scully. All I want is the truth. And a pony.
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