The Worst Pies in London MRS. LOVETT: A customer! Wait! What's yer rush? What's yer hurry? You gave me such a — Fright. I thought you was a ghost. Half a minute, can'tcher? Sit! Sit ye down! Sit! All I meant is that I Haven't seen a customer for weeks. Did you come here for a pie, sir? Do forgive me if me head's a little vague — What is that? But you'd think we had the plague — From the way that people — Keep avoiding — No you don't! Heaven knows I try, sir! But there's no one comes in even to inhale — Right you are, sir. Would you like a drop of ale? Mind you, I can't hardly blame them — These are probably the worst pies in London, I know why nobody cares to take them — I should know, I make them. But good? No, The worst pies in London — Even that's polite. The worst pies in London — If you doubt it, take a bite. Is that just disgusting? You have to concede it. It's nothing but crusting — Here, drink this, you'll need it — The worst pies in London — And no wonder with the price of meat What it is When you get it. Never Thought I'd live to see the day men'd think it was a treat Finding poor Animals Wot are dying in the street. Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop, Does a business, but I notice something weird — Lately all her neighbors' cats have disappeared. Have to hand it to her — Wot I calls Enterprise, Popping pussies into pies. Wouldn't do in my shop — Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick. And I'm telling you them pussy cats is quick. No denying times is hard, sir — Even harder than The worst pies in London. Only lard and nothing more — Is that just revolting? All greasy and gritty, It looks like it's molting, And tastes like — Well, pity A woman alone With limited wind And the worst pies in London! Ah sir, Times is hard. Times is hard.