John Finnemore - Cabin Pressure - S01 - E05 - Edinburgh | Текст песни

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• John Finnemore
• Cabin Pressure - S01 - E05 - Edinburgh

Edinburgh (S01E05)

Synopsis: It’s Birling Day! The crew flies Mr. Birling, a big-tipping passenger, to the Six Nations Rugby Final in Edinburgh.

Favorite Quotes:

"And Arthur, my boy, are you still going around with that delightful girl with a squint?" - Mr. Birling
"Er, no." - Arthur
"Did she say she couldn’t see you anymore?" - Mr. Birling

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Full transcript under the cut!

[bing bong]

MARTIN: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Apologies to those of you who have been watching the in-flight entertainment this evening. Unfortunately a mechanical fault seems to have developed and I’m afraid we will not be able to bring you the last half hour of our feature presentation. However, as luck would have it, I happened to see this film a couple of days ago; and I’m happy to tell you that the bald guy was in the pay of the mob all along; and that that woman from The West Wing shot Bill Paxton, but they caught her in the end. I hope that helps.

[credits]

CAROLYN: And lastly, your roster for the next two weeks. On the eighteenth, you’re going to Oslo to pick up a CFO …

ARTHUR: Wow! What, for government scientists to study?

CAROLYN: A CFO, Arthur, not UFO. Then nothing ’til the twenty-fourth when, I’m afraid, you’re taking a stag do to Rome.

[Martin and Douglas groaning]

CAROLYN: Yes, I know, I know. They bring us three millennia of art, culture and architecture; we bring them thirteen City boys to throw up on it. It is heart-breaking.

ARTHUR: Where did you go for your stag night, Douglas?

DOUGLAS: Which one?

MARTIN: Any of them.

DOUGLAS: Oh, the first one was the best. Soho, 1977, with my brother, Jeffrey Bernard, Peter Cook, and a Kink.

CAROLYN: What’s a kink?

DOUGLAS: One of The Kinks.

MARTIN: Which one?

DOUGLAS: Oh, I know nothing about pop music. Whichever one it is that can fit three golf balls in his mouth.

MARTIN: Hmm!

CAROLYN: Anyway – after Rome, a little treat, because guess what’s happening on the twenty-eighth?

DOUGLAS: Ah! The Six Nations final!

ARTHUR: Birling Day!

CAROLYN: Indeed it is.

DOUGLAS: Yes!

MARTIN: What?

CAROLYN: Ah. Of course. You hadn’t joined us by last Birling Day, had you?

MARTIN: What’s Birling Day?

DOUGLAS: Mr. Birling is a retired gentleman who lives in an enormous house in Sussex with his enormous pile of money and his enormous wife; and his big treat is that once a year, he hires us to take him to the Six Nations rugby final, wherever it is … Where is it this year, Carolyn?

CAROLYN: Edinburgh.

DOUGLAS: … where he proceeds to get heroically sloshed and spends the rest of the year sleeping it off.

MARTIN: … Right. So what’s so special about that?

DOUGLAS: Oh, no reason. It’s just fun – after a year of CFOs and stag dos – to take a nice old boy out on a spree.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DOUGLAS: All right, Arthur, nearly there.

MARTIN: Why do we all have to pick him up, anyway?

DOUGLAS: It’s just a little courtesy Mr. Birling likes, that’s all.

MARTIN: I’ve never seen you like this with a client, Douglas.

DOUGLAS: Ah, well, Mr. B is something special.

Mr. BIRLING: My dear boys! My dear boys! Cometh the hour, cometh the men; the magnificent men in their flying machines, no less.

ARTHUR: Hello, Mr. Birling!

MR. BIRLING: Arthur, my dear boy! How are you? Now, I hope you’ve been brushing up on your rugby since we last met.

ARTHUR: Oh yes! Ask me anything.

MR. BIRLING: Who won the last Grand Slam?

ARTHUR: France!

MR. BIRLING: What colour do Italy play in?

ARTHUR: Red.

MR. BIRLING: How many points for a conversion?

ARTHUR: Three.

MR. BIRLING: Excellent; very good

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