CHAPTER 54, PAGE ONE-HUNDRED AND FIVE: CREATE A HELLHOUND ANTIDOTE AND KEEP YOUR VICTIM ALIVE!
IT SAYS TO COVER ONE EYE BALL... AND THE OTHER ONE, TOO. "WHAT FOR?" THAT'S WHAT THE BOOK SAYS TO DO!
WE’LL NEED A PILE OF RAISINS AND A MAGICAL WORD. I LIKE TO USE THE TERM, "LINGUINE," CAUSE IT’S PRETTY ABSURD! AND ONCE WE’VE FOUND OURSELVES SOME RAISINS, POUR THEM INTO A SHOE! THEN FLICK YOUR EAR! THAT’S WHAT THE BOOK SAYS TO DO!
WE HAVE TO IRON A CACTUS! STICK A BEE IN YOUR NOSE! AND THEN WE’LL EAT A PLATE OF FLAPJACKS! DRAW SOME FACES ON TOES! WE’LL ALL HOLD HANDS UNTIL THEY’RE SWEATY! WE’LL PRETEND WE CAN FLY! AND IF WE DON’T... WE’LL DIE!
I MADE THAT PART UP...
NOW YOU TAKE A CREEPY BABY DOLL AND SHAKE IT ALL AROUND! THEN YOU SHRIEK LIKE A WEASEL WHILE YOU FLAIL ON THE GROUND! AND ONCE WE’VE DONE THAT FOR TWO HOURS, THROW THAT BABY DOWN THE STAIRS, THEN WE’LL HIT EACH OTHER WITH METAL CHAIRS!
"I’M HAVING SECOND GUESSES ’BOUT THIS SPELL-CASTING STUFF..."
"OKAY, I FOUND A COUPLE TUTUS-"
"THAT'S NOT NEARLY ENOUGH!"
NEXT WE’LL SCATTER SOMEONE’S ASHES AS WE THROW A PARADE! AND THEN WE’LL SIT AND HAVE A SEANCE WHILE WE’RE PLAYING OLD MAID!
WEAR A BIG HAT! DRINK FROM THIS JAR!
"NONE OF THIS SONG MAKES SENSE SO FAR!"
"I DON’T KNOW WHAT HE’S UP TO, BUT IT’S CERTAINLY WEIRD-"
"HE KEEPS ASKING FOR TOENAILS-"
"AND A LEPRECHAUN BEARD!"
"I DON’T THINK WE SHOULD TRUST HIM. HE’S COMPLETELY INSANE-"
"AND ALL THE NONSENSE WE’RE DOING SEEMS EXPRESSLY INANE."
"WE SHOULD TOTALLY KILL HIM!"
"YEAH, IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE RIGHT."
"I MEAN, HE LOOKS PRETTY PUNY-"
"WON'T BE MUCH OF A FIGHT!"
"WE CAN SNEAK UP BEHIND HIM!"
"DRIVE A STAKE THROUGH HIS HEART!"
"DO YOUR WORST!"
"LADIES FIRST!"
"IF YOU WON’T IMPALE HIM, THEN ENIS WILL START A NEW VERSE!"
WE GOTTA WHITTLE A PICKLE! EAT SOME PARMESAN CHEESE! AND THEN WE’LL ALL WATCH A MOVIE-
"OH NO, NOT THE BEES!"
AND NEXT, WE TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE! SUMMON HELLBEASTS FROM SPACE! AND THEN, WHEN THE PORTAL CLOSES, PULL HIS SLEEVE UP TO EXPOSE HIS WOUNDED ARM... AND... KISS... YOUR... FRIEND’S DEAD FACE!
LET’S EXPEL OUR SPACE-BOUND HELLBEASTS, THEN WE’LL TAKE OUT THE TRASH! WE’LL WATCH A FLICK AND EAT SOME CHEESE AND CUT A PICKLE AND DASH-
-INSIDE TO PLAY KAZOO AND WEAR A HAT! USE METAL CHAIRS LIKE BASEBALL BATS! AND FLAIL AND FLY AND PAINT ALL YOUR TOES!
WE’LL EAT SOME FLAPJACKS AND STICK BEES IN YOUR NOSE!
TO GRAB A SHOE TO FILL WITH SNACKS AND FLICK YOUR EAR WITH SNEAK ATTACKS AND SCREAM LINGUINE TO THE MAX SO HERE IT GOES!