Sketches - Mr. Williams and the postman | Текст песни

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• Mr. Williams and the postman

Scene: The front door of 65
Shakespeare Avenue, early
one morning
Characters: A postman, Mr. Henry
Williams, Mrs. Agnes Williams
The postman walks up to the front door. He
knocks at the door and rings the bell.
Postman: Good morning! Hello! Wake up!
Mr. Williams opens the door.
Postman: Ah, good morning!
Henry: Good morning.
Postman: Mr. Williams?
Henry: Yes.
Postman: Mr. H. Williams?
Henry: That's right.
Postman: Mr. Henry Williams of 65
Shakespeare Avenue?
Henry: Sixty-five? Er...yes. Have you got
anything for me?
Postman: No.
Henry: No?
Postman: No.
Henry: Then why did you wake me up?
Postman: It's part of my job.
Henry: What? Waking people up?
Postman: Yes. It's a new service from the
Post Office.
Henry: Hmmm. Listen - you're a postman.
Postman: Yes.
Henry: And postmen bring letters.
Postman: Yes.
Henry: But you haven't brought any for
me.
Postman: Wait a minute, Mr. Williams. I'm
sure I can find something for you.
Um...
(He takes three letters out of his
bag.)
Postman: Ah yes, here we are. Three letters.
Which one would you like?
The red one, the white one, or the
blue one?
Henry: But those letters aren't for me.
Postman: No, Mr. Williams, but this is
another new service from the
Post Office - a new service for all
those unhappy, unfortunate people
who never get any letters.
Henry: Oh
Postman: And you, Mr. Williams, you never
get any letters, do you?
Henry: No, I don't.
Postman: All right then, which one would
you like? The red one, the white
one, or the blue one?
Henry: Mm...I'll have the red one,
please.
Postman: The red one is yours - if you can
answer a simple question.
Henry: A question?
Postman: Yes. Where does Queen Elizabeth
the Second of England live?
Henry: Why? Have you got a letter for
her?(He laughs.)
Postman: No, Mr. Williams. That was the
question. Where does Queen
Elizabeth the Second of England
live?
Henry: Ah. Where does Queen Elizabeth
live?
Postman: Yes.
Henry: I don't know.
Postman: Mr. Williams! It's easy! B-B-BBuck
-
Henry: Oh, yes! Buckingham Hotel.
Postman: No, no! Palace!
Henry: Palace Hotel.
Postman: No!
Henry: I know! Buckingham Palace!
Postman: That's right! You've won the red
envelope!
Henry: Oh, thank you! This is very exciting!
(Mr. Williams opens the red envelope.)
Henry: There's nothing in it.
Postman: No, there's never anything in the
red one.
Henry: This is ridiculous!
Postman: No, it isn't. There are still two
more envelopes.
Henry: Yes, but is there anything in
them?
Postman: Of course there is.
Henry: All right. The blue one.
Postman: Very well, Mr. Williams. Here is
the question for the blue envelope.
What is the approximate
population of Great Britain?
Henry: Er...thirty-five million?
Postman: No. Higher.
Henry: Eighty-five million?
Postman: No. Lower.

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