Welcome students it’s sure nice to see you at this year’s orientation Let me serve up some cocktails and fun facts on why this fine school’s #1 Evan Williams, he founded this school, way back in nineteen eighty eight. Then he moved to his grandmother’s basement where you can find him to this day. Our school colors are gold green and black, for beer and vomit and hangovers Our school mascot is Ghangi the cat he gets high on catnip and clovers
I attended the University of Shitfaced and got my degree Our school fountain it pisses a stream of cheap wine and cigarette butts All the coeds that walk around campus are cheap lousy obnoxious sluts There’s school spirits at every event, the stands are all packed with fun lovers In the games we’re too drunk to fight back but we celebrate when it’s over Our professors they don’t give a damn about you, your goals, or your grades They spend all their time toasted and macking on freshmen so they can get laid. That’s a dumb question I’m real glad you asked, there is no library dumbass If by some chance you make it to class you have to pass out just to pass Your tuition is just the bar tab so go out and have a good time But at this point you don’t realize you’ll pay for the rest of your life Go Fight Win Room will spin Nothing more fun than drunk driving Through a fence into a yard Grab another beer and party hard Go Fight Win get bed spins Wake up on the bathroom floor again Take some meth or vicodin Find your clothes and start again