A Complete History of the Soviet Union As Told By A Humble Worker, Arranged To The Melody Of Tetris
To Moscow I came seeking fortune But they’re making me work til I’m dead The bourgeoisie have it so easy The Tsar’s putting gold on his bread The people of Moscow are hungry But think what a feast there could be If we could create a socialist state That cared for the people like me:
I am the man who arranges the blocks That descend upon me from up above. They come down and I spin them around Til they fit in the ground like hand in glove. Sometimes it seems that to move blocks is fine And the lines will be formed as they fall - Then I see that I have misjudged it! I should not have nudged it after all. Can I have a long one please? Why must these infernal blocks tease?
I am the man who arranges the blocks That continue to fall from up above. Come Muscovite! Let the workers unite! A collective regime of peace and love. I work so hard in arranging the blocks But the landlord and taxman bleed me dry But the workers will rise! We will not compromise For we know that the old regime must die. Long live Lenin, kill the tsar! We salute the sickle and star!
I am the man who arranges the blocks That continue to fall from up above. The food on your plate now belongs to the state A collective regime of peace and love. I have no choice in arranging the blocks Under Bolshevik rule, what they say goes. The rule of the game is we all are the same And my blocks must create unbroken rows. Long live Stalin! He loves you! Sing these words, or you know what he’ll do...
I am the man who arranges the blocks That are made by the men in Kazakhstan. They come two weeks late and they don’t tessellate But we’re working to Stalin’s five year plan. I am the man who arranges the tanks That will make all the Nazis keep away The Fuhrer is dead, and Europe is Red! Let us point all our guns at the USA. We shall live forever more! We can start a nuclear war!
I am the man who arranges the blocks That are building a highly secret base. Hip hip hurrah for the USSR! We are sending our men to outer space. I work so hard in arranging the blocks But each night I go home to my wife in tears - What’s the point of it all, when you’re building a wall And in front of your eyes it disappears? Pointless work for pointless pay This is one game I shall not play.
I am the man who arranges the blocks! But tomorrow I think I’ll stay in bed. The winter is cold, I’ve got plenty of gold And I’m standing in line for a loaf of bread Maybe we’d be better off If we brought down Gorbachev
I am the man who arranges the blocks That continue to fall from up above. The markets are free! So much money for me! Tell me, why should I care for peace and love? The markets are free! So much money for me! Tell me, why should I care for peace and love? Peace and love, peace and love!
And now the wall is down, the Marxists frown There’s foreign shops all over town When in Red Square, well don’t despair There’s Levi’s and McDonald’s there The US gave us crystal meth And Yeltsin drank himself to death But now that Putin’s put the boot in, Who’ll get in our way?
So we reject free enterprise And once again the left will rise. Prepare the flags to be unfurled For we’re seceding from the world: We shall regain the Georgian soil We shall obtain the Arctic oil We shall arrange the blocks and toil Forever and a day.